Making the Most of Being Locked up at Home With Your Kids

It doesn’t seem like very long ago and I was holding Russ in the palm of my hand. He came a little early and although he was a long baby, he was only 6lbs 3oz (now he’s almost 6’2 and 165 lbs - so basically proportional). 

Now he’s almost 17. Between his two jobs, hockey, other activities and a girlfriend, he’s not around much anymore. Char just turned 15 and isn’t far behind. Thank goodness for Jojo - she’s only turning 11 this year so we have some time left.

There’s a reason this fits into the “what positives can I take away from being locked up with my family due to Covid19” blog series (that hopefully won’t go on indefinitely).

In a blog titled “The Tail End”, Tim Urban brings up the idea of how much time we spend with our parents throughout the course of our life. When you account for the time that you’re around them 24/7 when you are young and live at home, it turns out that by the time you graduate high school, you’ve already spent 93% of the time that you will ever spend with them. Think about that. My parents were in their early 50’s when I graduated in 1994. That means that (assuming they live to 85), those last 30 years will only yield 7% of the total time I will spend in their presence - that is astonishingly small. To illustrate, Urban uses this picture. Each dot represents a day you spend with your parents - the grey ones at the bottom are the ones we have left after graduation:

First, that makes me sad. I’ve been blessed with my parents. They’ve been so supportive and helpful and loving of me. As a parent myself I realize that not everything we do is the right thing in the moment, but we all do our best. They did better than most. They’re both pushing 80 and are in reasonably good health and hopefully will be around for many more years. I'm also grateful that my kids have had a chance to get to know them and form memories of time with them that they will carry forever (both my grandfathers had passed away before I was born and my paternal grandmother died when I was young enough that I don’t remember her).

So if 93% of the time we will spend with our parents is gone by the time we graduate high school, then the same is true for the time we spend with our kids (it stands to reason that if we have spent 93% of total time we have with our parents by the time we graduate high school, then our kids have spent 93% of the time they have with us by the time they graduate high school). 

If you have teenagers like Russ, you probably understand that many of them would rather be out with their friends/girlfriends/boyfriends than chillin’ with mom and dad. But guess what! They’re stuck at home - a captive audience!

This is a great time to either lay down or solidify some common interests with your kids that will open the door to more quality time with them once this is over. I’ve found that Jojo loves shooting her bow - that’s something we can do together. Char has committed to working out - Hey, I love that too! Russ mentioned that he wants to learn how to call elk - we can do that (although being cooped up in the house with someone trying to learn how to bugle has downside). Find some card games or board games or other things to do together to pass the time. I just taught Jojo how to play gin rummy and Yahtzee (the first time I had played since a competitive game with my sister years ago that ended with the whole thing being tossed in a campfire with only one half melted die left as evidence).

At the end of the day, cherish the time you have with your family. I understand how kids can be, especially teenagers. The sayings "they grow up so fact" and "one day they're babies and then you blink and they're teenagers" are cliches, but oh so true.